NEEDS vs. WANTS

What happens when adults behave like children?

Over the past several days I have been amazed by the controversy surrounding two of my oldest friends… That’s right; Bert and Ernie.

This pseudo argument has nothing to do with children.

For the record, I believe every man and woman has the right to marry (and divorce) whom ever they choose BUT why make an attempt to sexualize every aspect of a child’s life? The answer is simple – Because they WANT to.

No one NEEDS the two best friends to get married. No child is watching PBS and wondering “A, B, C…Hmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder if Bert and Ernie are married?”

Instead a group WANTS them to get married. For no reason other than furthering their cause.

I have listened to people speak regarding why the two best friends should get hitched, and I have yet to hear anyone make a case for why they NEED to get married. I hear “because children need diversity.” Really? As if monsters, fairies, muppets, humans, and a seven-foot yellow bird living on a make-believe side street is not diverse enough.

C’mon! Enough already.

When I hear people discuss this, I feel like I’m listening to my child tell me how much he NEEDS a new X-box game. I have to correct him and try to make him understand he doesn’t NEED it; he WANTS it. Maybe when he’s an adult he will understand the difference between NEEDS and WANTS.

I have an idea… Maybe Bert and Ernie can talk about the difference between NEEDS and WANTS J.

I Say NO...

A tragic event in my old neighborhood only has reinforced my belief that as a parent it is ok to say no to your children.

The details of the child’s murder shocked me for two reasons…

One, I have a child who is close to the age of the victim, and I could not imagine what evil must run through an adults mind to hurt a helpless child in the manner.

Two, the reason why the young boy was allowed to walk home alone by himself. The reports of the boy begging him Mom to let him walk home alone saddened my heart even more. As a parent I can sympathize with the mother because I have heard it before…

“You NEVER let me do anything”

“But (insert random friend’s name here) Dad lets him (insert random act)”

The list goes on...

Sure, there is a certain amount of independence every child should have. Every child should be allowed to clean their bedroom Alone, every child should be allowed to study ALONE, and every child should be allowed to sleep in their own bed ALONE – Do you sense the sarcasm? I hope so.

It is unfortunate but these are the times we live in. I admit; tragic events that took young Leiby Kletzky away are not the norm. The facts show the odds of someone abducting and murdering your child are miniscule BUT a responsible parent should never take that bet.

Men of Respect...

Arnold Schwarzenegger should send NYC councilman Anthony “show me what you got” Weiner a fruit basket. Not only did Mr. Weiner provide comedians with jokes for years, he made the former Governor of California actions irrelevant; even though what the terminator did was/is 100 times worse in my book. Thanks to the councilman from New York City, Mr. Schwarzenegger was sent to the back burner.

So this is what he was talking about

Everyone make mistakes and I am not a member of the moral police but Mr. Weiner needs to step down. Not for flirting and not for “sexting” but for one word – RESPECT.

So far Weiner has stood his ground and refuses to resign but when children are making jokes about him, exactly how are his colleagues supposed to take him serious?

Weiner’s main point is a valid one – A majority of his constituents actually want him to stay on board. But how effective can this man be as a legislator, when no one outside of his district takes him serious?

This man will become a Dad soon (Weiner’s wife is expecting). Dad’s need to lead by example because our children have to respect us. This will help our children respect themselves.

Have some respect for yourself Mr. Weiner. Step down, rebuild yourself (mentally), keep your clothes on, get rid of the smart phone, and run for office again. Shoot; even Marion Barry got re-elected.

Grow Up...

I must be old – other than the date on my birth certificate (which I can provide) to remind me. Another clear indication of growing older is losing touch with today’s youth and I am lost for words with some of the fashions of young men.

I understand the need for comfort, I wore baggy jeans all my life but there is a current fad I believe is out of control. What I find most disturbing is most people who choose to sport the “ass out” look do not know where the look originated.

C'mon Son...

Some may dispute my conspiracy theory but let us exam this closely.

When an individual is arrested, his property is confiscated before he is introduced to other wrong doers (for obvious reasons). This includes their belts. This allows prisoners to walk around with their pants hanging from his ass….. “So sexy”

Others tell stories of some prisoners in state penitentiaries that walk around with their pants down to indicate they are “open for business.” You can not make this stuff up.

This is not just and “urban/minority” issue. Recently I was in an amusement park in a southern state and walking in front of me was a group of teenagers (all of whom were as white as snow) and everyone in the park can tell you the color of seven out of nine of their boxers. I am not saying these are bad children because I do not know them. What I am saying – someone needs to talk to them about carrying themselves as young men.

Young men are captivated by the prison culture and I am at the point where I can not blame them. Their favorite music artist’s pants are hanging from their ass, their favorite athlete’s pants are hanging from their ass, and in some cases their Dad’s pants are hanging from their ass. I understand music and sports influence fashions but when a certain culture is the source that influences the musicians and the athletes someone has to draw the line.



100 Million Plus...

I remember when David Stern implemented a dress code in the NBA (The NBA now requires all players who are not in uniform to be in a collared shirt or sports jacket if they are sitting on their team’s bench – no more sneakers, sweat suits, and doo-rags.) Players and advocates openly argued against the rule. Some called it a form of racism; others described Mr. Stern as a dictator. I thought it was wrong to tell men how to dress but looking back on it, David Stern was right. He never told the players they could not wear millions of dollars worth of jewelry, he never told the players they could not have corn-rolls, he just told them to present themselves like successful men.

In the end, that is what I want for my child – to carry himself and present himself in a successful manner. I refuse to allow my child to be influenced by individuals who can not operate in society.   

Happy Days

"Of course I love it"

Mother’s Day is right around the corner. The countdown has begun – the long lines for flowers are just about to form. Everyone will try NOT to be THE last person to pick out a mother’s day card.

Oh yes; happy, happy, joy, joy…

Moms get all the love and all the nice gifts.



Dads are usually rewarded with a pack of T-Shirts (v-neck or tank top?), an ugly tie, or who can forget about old faithful – a good pair of boxer briefs.

I am not here to be an advocate for equal gifts. I have noticed mother’s day has taken on a life of its own. It will never top Christmas or Valentines’ day but check out the 2008 recorded sales for mother day’s gifts. Let me remind you in 2008 the nation was on the brink of an economic meltdown – or so they wanted us to believe. Yet for this one day, we spent a total of 15 billion dollars.



I am just as guilty as anyone. I have never purchased my father a gift for father’s day. I never kept track of the day until I became a Dad. But like clockwork, when that faithful day in May rolls around I am compelled by some unseen force to show my Mom just how thankful I am to have her in my life.

The roll of a parent is a tough part to play. The role of a Dad is even tougher.

You see Dads cannot complain about not receiving anything nice for father’s day. Mom, well she can let you have it for the next 10 years if you do not come correct. A good Dad knows his role and plays it well. Not for the fame or the glory and definitely not for the father’s day gifts. A good Dad just appreciates the time he spends with his children and hopes one day his children will appreciate him.

Let me take this moment to wish all the moms a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY and remind everyone, June 19^th is right around the corner J

NEWS FLASH

Exactly what does she do?

Life is not fair BUT it usually has a way of working out in the end. I believe most people are exactly where they were meant to be in life. There are the occasional “Snookies” of the world (those who seem to have been blessed with no talent but good fortune) and those who had all the talent in the world but for whatever reason never quite panned out.

Recently a young lady was voted off a somewhat popular television show and by all the accounts from everyone I have spoken to she may have had the most talent of all the contestants, but she was sent home. Rumors are flying and the young lady appears to be ready to sign a multimillion dollar recording contract – not bad for a loser.

Too good to win?

This young lady’s story is an example of just how unpredictable and unfair life is. Shouldn’t the winner of the television show be the talk of the town? Shouldn’t the loser be sent home to take over the karaoke scene?

We all have had unfair moments in our lives. Some in our careers, some in love, and others seem to have the unfair cloud just following them daily. What parents learn from their own misfortunes can help, when a child comes home and utters the words “It’s not fair.” Parents do not need to know what “IT” is because we already know. To a child “IT” can be anything (not making a sports team, losing a girlfriend) but to parents “IT” is simply defined as – LIFE.

Teach children they should never stop reaching for their goals. There will be bumps in the road and even an occasional “unfair” blow to their dreams but in the end it usually works out, and if it is not working out then it is probably not the end.

The Others

During any conflict – whether between nations or individuals there are always innocent bystanders who seem to get caught in the crossfire. When parents go to battle, extended family members are easy targets.

Children are easily confused and these feelings can last a lifetime. This is why parents have to use caution when they speak of the “other side” around children. Moms AND Dads should not keep children from building relationships with extended family just because they want the upper hand in the relationship.

These tactics are selfish and senseless. Children develop strong ties with extended family members at an early age and isolating or trying to control when your child spends time with their “other side” is not recommended. Of course there are situations when contact with extended family should be controlled (violence, drugs, alcohol) – but if the “other side” is reaching out, do not shut the door on their attempts to play an active role in a child’s life.

I was approached by a man who was recently at his paternal grandmother’s side while she laid in a hospital intensive care unit. The man explained to me that was conflicted even as an adult on exactly how he should feel. He and his grandmother never bonded when he was a child because his parents have been at war since he was born. His connection with a woman (who he agrees “obviously loves him”) is not as strong as it should be.

Maybe he is too guarded?

Maybe, even as an adult he is afraid that any gesture to the “other side” will be seen as an act of treason by his mother.

It is not healthy for any of the parties involved when a child becomes detached from family. Grandparents, uncles, and cousins can have a positive influence on children and those relationships should be encouraged. Trying to rekindle those valuable lost years can be awkward and difficult.

I did not offer any advice to the man, I just listened, and made a promise (to myself) I would not contribute to my child’s angst if he were ever faced with a similar decision.

No -- and Hell No...

So unless my child’s relatives are John Allen Muhammad or Jeffery Dahmer, he is free to spend time with the “other side”.