NEWS FLASH

Exactly what does she do?

Life is not fair BUT it usually has a way of working out in the end. I believe most people are exactly where they were meant to be in life. There are the occasional “Snookies” of the world (those who seem to have been blessed with no talent but good fortune) and those who had all the talent in the world but for whatever reason never quite panned out.

Recently a young lady was voted off a somewhat popular television show and by all the accounts from everyone I have spoken to she may have had the most talent of all the contestants, but she was sent home. Rumors are flying and the young lady appears to be ready to sign a multimillion dollar recording contract – not bad for a loser.

Too good to win?

This young lady’s story is an example of just how unpredictable and unfair life is. Shouldn’t the winner of the television show be the talk of the town? Shouldn’t the loser be sent home to take over the karaoke scene?

We all have had unfair moments in our lives. Some in our careers, some in love, and others seem to have the unfair cloud just following them daily. What parents learn from their own misfortunes can help, when a child comes home and utters the words “It’s not fair.” Parents do not need to know what “IT” is because we already know. To a child “IT” can be anything (not making a sports team, losing a girlfriend) but to parents “IT” is simply defined as – LIFE.

Teach children they should never stop reaching for their goals. There will be bumps in the road and even an occasional “unfair” blow to their dreams but in the end it usually works out, and if it is not working out then it is probably not the end.

The Others

During any conflict – whether between nations or individuals there are always innocent bystanders who seem to get caught in the crossfire. When parents go to battle, extended family members are easy targets.

Children are easily confused and these feelings can last a lifetime. This is why parents have to use caution when they speak of the “other side” around children. Moms AND Dads should not keep children from building relationships with extended family just because they want the upper hand in the relationship.

These tactics are selfish and senseless. Children develop strong ties with extended family members at an early age and isolating or trying to control when your child spends time with their “other side” is not recommended. Of course there are situations when contact with extended family should be controlled (violence, drugs, alcohol) – but if the “other side” is reaching out, do not shut the door on their attempts to play an active role in a child’s life.

I was approached by a man who was recently at his paternal grandmother’s side while she laid in a hospital intensive care unit. The man explained to me that was conflicted even as an adult on exactly how he should feel. He and his grandmother never bonded when he was a child because his parents have been at war since he was born. His connection with a woman (who he agrees “obviously loves him”) is not as strong as it should be.

Maybe he is too guarded?

Maybe, even as an adult he is afraid that any gesture to the “other side” will be seen as an act of treason by his mother.

It is not healthy for any of the parties involved when a child becomes detached from family. Grandparents, uncles, and cousins can have a positive influence on children and those relationships should be encouraged. Trying to rekindle those valuable lost years can be awkward and difficult.

I did not offer any advice to the man, I just listened, and made a promise (to myself) I would not contribute to my child’s angst if he were ever faced with a similar decision.

No -- and Hell No...

So unless my child’s relatives are John Allen Muhammad or Jeffery Dahmer, he is free to spend time with the “other side”.