A Lesson Learned...

Since I started this journey I have corresponded with several interesting Dads. Dads as far away as Germany, and as close as New Jersey have all sent in e-mails detailing their lives as Dads. The majority are happy with what I’m doing. Some on the other hand - well let us just say I have been “de-friended” more than once. As my facebook friends list heads south, I have realized something…

Doing the right thing is universal and no one should be afraid or embarrassed to speak on a subject if it is dear to them. Dads should teach their children to stand for something and even when the critics come (and they will), and the critiques are too much to bear. My advice to children is simple; “Keep your head up and handle it.”

At no time should we allow our children to experience the sense of being broken down (emotionally/spiritually) to the point where they become afraid to function. If someone does not like what your child is doing and your child believes it is the right thing to do; then why should they stop?

Involved Dads want (and try to deliver) what is best for their children. Instilling a strong sense of character and good judgment in boys and girls at an early age will allow them to develop into well rounded teens and we hope adults. Boys cannot learn from women alone and girls need a stern Dad in their lives.

I started this blog to reach other Dads and pass on some encouragement, maybe even share some knowledge but during this brief period I probably have learned more than any reader or follower.

I have learned Dads Do… Matter.

P.S. Emailer-Y (Yes I know you are reading) do not be upset with MY thoughts; be upset with YOUR actions.

Who Has The Power???

What’s the difference between custody and visitation?

I AM NOT a lawyer but I have spent enough time in a court room to understand my rights as a Dad.

I have an associate who is entrenched in a legal battle with the mother of his child. She refuses to allow the man any consistent visits with his son. The parent’s relationship soured some time ago and the mother appears to be using the child as a pawn, attacking the Dad to weaken his defenses at every opportunity. By all counts the man in the situation just wants to be a Dad. Unfortunately, though the legal system does favor the mother in MOST custody cases some Dads have been negligent of their rights and responsibilities.

In the state I reside in; once a man acknowledges paternity (this is different from signing the birth certificate) he has equal rights to his child. So unless a judge orders him to stay away from his child, technically the mother CAN NOT keep the Dad away from the child. Of course there are certain circumstances that may change the rules (cases of abuse or neglect come to mind right away).

Once it has become obvious that the relationship between the mother and father can not continue in a productive and respectful manner the decision to establish custody and visitation must be made and carried out. Because custody and visitation are SEPARATE issues, responsible Dads should insist on joint custody and establish a consistent pattern concerning visitation. Medical and education decisions should also be agreed on.

Each jurisdiction is different so make sure to check with a local lawyer (yes peace of mind often costs). Dads are gaining momentum, and the courts are beginning to see through the drama. Mothers do not have the power to decide when and how Dads should parent.

KEY POINTS

• Seek legal help immediately – There are organizations that offer consultations for custody and visitation issues.
• Adhere to all court orders and Judge’s rulings – If you miss a date; document it.

Moving On…

Bags packed? Check.

Locks Changed? Check.

Relationship over. Done!

When ending a relationship with someone the mental checklist seems never ending. Unfortunately, many adults forget to account for what may be the most important item on the list. What about the children?

Break ups are very hard on children. Even if both parents are rational thinking people there will be an adjustment period for the children. Most children want their parents to stay together because children value security and comfort more than anything else. Both parents under the same roof offers many advantages but there are times when it is best for parents to split.

Infidelity, physical, verbal and mental abuses are only a few issues that may cause a relationship to sour but children should always be made aware the break up is not their fault.

Dads have to be aware they are still counted on to support their children (not just court ordered child support). Dads should try to spend as much time as possible with their children to ensure them they are not losing a parent. Dads should become more involved in activities such as school and potential hobbies. Do not sit back and let the mother try to handle the burden alone. I understand the need to advance with your life but your children should be a major part of your life and there will be times when you have to put your ego in check and work with the mother of your children for the benefit of your children.

Not too many people plan break ups but remember…

When you and the mother are done; do not ride off into the sunset and leave the children behind. Make sure you check and re-check your list because there may be something you may have forgotten.

KEY POINTS

• Assure children the break up is not their fault. Ask them whether they have questions - and give them age appropriate answers.
• Become more, not less involved. Volunteer to participate in extracurricular activities and sports event. Contact the school to get the schedule of important dates.
• Check your ego. Don't allow arguments with your child’s mother prevent you from making and keeping commitments with your child.

Tune In Tonight...

http://dtfradio.com/

1/20/11

@7:15 PM

Discussing Dads Do…

Only In America...

Who would have thought one homeless man’s unreal turn around is all I would need to teach my son a valuable lesson.

We love redemption stories. Fans love to hear about the fighter who gets knocked down only to dust himself off to regain glory or the fallen star who loses everything, only to make a comeback and shun the critics. What do they have in common?

God given talent!!!

Mr. Homeless is proof that once someone is blessed with an ability to do something, if they practice and hone their skills they can become successful in any craft and at any age, even if they try to squander their opportunities.

I believe we are created with a unique set of skills that make us special and Dads should encourage their children to use their time to develop those particular skills. Children will be more receptive to improve their talents if a parent shows an interest in their child’s ability.

No two children will have the same passion and a Dad should not be disappointed if their son does not show an interest in sports. Maybe the child has a keen business mind; the title of owner of a sports franchise is more attractive than a player. While athletic ability will eventually fade, he or she who signs the checks will always be in demand. On the flipside, every child is not placed on earth to become nuclear engineer. Some children work better with their hands; the world needs excellent construction managers as well.

Whatever your child’s passion, encourage him or her to dream and always do their best. Failure is only a stepping-stone for success and children will become discouraged, but it is our duty to help them fight through adversity and help develop strong character.

I salute Mr. EX-homeless man. He has finally made it. He will live on forever as a topic of a Dad’s lesson to his child.

KEY POINTS

• Inspire children to dream.
• Help identify and develop a child's natural talents.
• Be supportive, even in failure.

One In A Million...

I received an e-mail from a reader that made me realize just how far Dads have fallen in our society. The reader; who wanted to send me a compliment, described me as “one in a million.” At first I was flattered. Then reality set in.

The fact is; I am not one in a million. I do not even think I’m one in a thousand. Truth is I am probably not even the best Dad in my extended family. Of course the e-mailer was exaggerating but the comment is a reflection of just how society looks at men who choose to be involved Dads.

I am not the exception, I am not an anomaly, and we are not a dying breed!

However, some of us are struggling to voice our views and opinions on parenting because we have learned to suppress our feelings. I was a sufferer of this mentality for a short time. As a young man, it was a blessing to be around real men who understood the importance of a Dad’s role in a child’s life and I owe it to them to pass this knowledge on to my son and other young men.

Good Dads should be proud and look for young men to help mentor into fatherhood. Relax, this is not a posting promoting sex but if the goal of our species is to procreate and survive; Why not encourage the best to move forward? Each time I teach my son something new I ask him; who will he teach? In the beginning he would say his dog, but now he says his children.

I believe one problem that saddles the men of our society is we tend to wait. Many men believe we have forever to spread a message. Old timers are left to preach to young men about responsibility and the message is often lost in translation. The average 21 year old man does not want to hear Bill Cosby stress the importance of raising a strong nation of men.

Young men are bombarded from many directions on “how we are supposed to act.” Fast cars and bling are more attractive than stability and relationships. Just imagine how many young men would react to (insert favorite artist here) singing a song about how cool it is to be a Dad and to watch someone grow and help shape their future. If an artist can make a song about Jesus that is celebrated in the grungiest of nightclubs; who is to say Dads can’t get some love?

So thank you for the compliment e-mailer X but I am not one in a million. I am just one of millions.

KEY POINTS

• Discuss parenting with young men.
• Identify the potential in all young men.
• Become a mentor.