Grow Up...

I must be old – other than the date on my birth certificate (which I can provide) to remind me. Another clear indication of growing older is losing touch with today’s youth and I am lost for words with some of the fashions of young men.

I understand the need for comfort, I wore baggy jeans all my life but there is a current fad I believe is out of control. What I find most disturbing is most people who choose to sport the “ass out” look do not know where the look originated.

C'mon Son...

Some may dispute my conspiracy theory but let us exam this closely.

When an individual is arrested, his property is confiscated before he is introduced to other wrong doers (for obvious reasons). This includes their belts. This allows prisoners to walk around with their pants hanging from his ass….. “So sexy”

Others tell stories of some prisoners in state penitentiaries that walk around with their pants down to indicate they are “open for business.” You can not make this stuff up.

This is not just and “urban/minority” issue. Recently I was in an amusement park in a southern state and walking in front of me was a group of teenagers (all of whom were as white as snow) and everyone in the park can tell you the color of seven out of nine of their boxers. I am not saying these are bad children because I do not know them. What I am saying – someone needs to talk to them about carrying themselves as young men.

Young men are captivated by the prison culture and I am at the point where I can not blame them. Their favorite music artist’s pants are hanging from their ass, their favorite athlete’s pants are hanging from their ass, and in some cases their Dad’s pants are hanging from their ass. I understand music and sports influence fashions but when a certain culture is the source that influences the musicians and the athletes someone has to draw the line.



100 Million Plus...

I remember when David Stern implemented a dress code in the NBA (The NBA now requires all players who are not in uniform to be in a collared shirt or sports jacket if they are sitting on their team’s bench – no more sneakers, sweat suits, and doo-rags.) Players and advocates openly argued against the rule. Some called it a form of racism; others described Mr. Stern as a dictator. I thought it was wrong to tell men how to dress but looking back on it, David Stern was right. He never told the players they could not wear millions of dollars worth of jewelry, he never told the players they could not have corn-rolls, he just told them to present themselves like successful men.

In the end, that is what I want for my child – to carry himself and present himself in a successful manner. I refuse to allow my child to be influenced by individuals who can not operate in society.   

Happy Days

"Of course I love it"

Mother’s Day is right around the corner. The countdown has begun – the long lines for flowers are just about to form. Everyone will try NOT to be THE last person to pick out a mother’s day card.

Oh yes; happy, happy, joy, joy…

Moms get all the love and all the nice gifts.



Dads are usually rewarded with a pack of T-Shirts (v-neck or tank top?), an ugly tie, or who can forget about old faithful – a good pair of boxer briefs.

I am not here to be an advocate for equal gifts. I have noticed mother’s day has taken on a life of its own. It will never top Christmas or Valentines’ day but check out the 2008 recorded sales for mother day’s gifts. Let me remind you in 2008 the nation was on the brink of an economic meltdown – or so they wanted us to believe. Yet for this one day, we spent a total of 15 billion dollars.



I am just as guilty as anyone. I have never purchased my father a gift for father’s day. I never kept track of the day until I became a Dad. But like clockwork, when that faithful day in May rolls around I am compelled by some unseen force to show my Mom just how thankful I am to have her in my life.

The roll of a parent is a tough part to play. The role of a Dad is even tougher.

You see Dads cannot complain about not receiving anything nice for father’s day. Mom, well she can let you have it for the next 10 years if you do not come correct. A good Dad knows his role and plays it well. Not for the fame or the glory and definitely not for the father’s day gifts. A good Dad just appreciates the time he spends with his children and hopes one day his children will appreciate him.

Let me take this moment to wish all the moms a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY and remind everyone, June 19^th is right around the corner J

NEWS FLASH

Exactly what does she do?

Life is not fair BUT it usually has a way of working out in the end. I believe most people are exactly where they were meant to be in life. There are the occasional “Snookies” of the world (those who seem to have been blessed with no talent but good fortune) and those who had all the talent in the world but for whatever reason never quite panned out.

Recently a young lady was voted off a somewhat popular television show and by all the accounts from everyone I have spoken to she may have had the most talent of all the contestants, but she was sent home. Rumors are flying and the young lady appears to be ready to sign a multimillion dollar recording contract – not bad for a loser.

Too good to win?

This young lady’s story is an example of just how unpredictable and unfair life is. Shouldn’t the winner of the television show be the talk of the town? Shouldn’t the loser be sent home to take over the karaoke scene?

We all have had unfair moments in our lives. Some in our careers, some in love, and others seem to have the unfair cloud just following them daily. What parents learn from their own misfortunes can help, when a child comes home and utters the words “It’s not fair.” Parents do not need to know what “IT” is because we already know. To a child “IT” can be anything (not making a sports team, losing a girlfriend) but to parents “IT” is simply defined as – LIFE.

Teach children they should never stop reaching for their goals. There will be bumps in the road and even an occasional “unfair” blow to their dreams but in the end it usually works out, and if it is not working out then it is probably not the end.

The Others

During any conflict – whether between nations or individuals there are always innocent bystanders who seem to get caught in the crossfire. When parents go to battle, extended family members are easy targets.

Children are easily confused and these feelings can last a lifetime. This is why parents have to use caution when they speak of the “other side” around children. Moms AND Dads should not keep children from building relationships with extended family just because they want the upper hand in the relationship.

These tactics are selfish and senseless. Children develop strong ties with extended family members at an early age and isolating or trying to control when your child spends time with their “other side” is not recommended. Of course there are situations when contact with extended family should be controlled (violence, drugs, alcohol) – but if the “other side” is reaching out, do not shut the door on their attempts to play an active role in a child’s life.

I was approached by a man who was recently at his paternal grandmother’s side while she laid in a hospital intensive care unit. The man explained to me that was conflicted even as an adult on exactly how he should feel. He and his grandmother never bonded when he was a child because his parents have been at war since he was born. His connection with a woman (who he agrees “obviously loves him”) is not as strong as it should be.

Maybe he is too guarded?

Maybe, even as an adult he is afraid that any gesture to the “other side” will be seen as an act of treason by his mother.

It is not healthy for any of the parties involved when a child becomes detached from family. Grandparents, uncles, and cousins can have a positive influence on children and those relationships should be encouraged. Trying to rekindle those valuable lost years can be awkward and difficult.

I did not offer any advice to the man, I just listened, and made a promise (to myself) I would not contribute to my child’s angst if he were ever faced with a similar decision.

No -- and Hell No...

So unless my child’s relatives are John Allen Muhammad or Jeffery Dahmer, he is free to spend time with the “other side”.

Just A Little Clarity

Dear Dad,

I wholeheartedly agree with your first two points regarding introducing your child to a "friend", however, I am having a problem understanding point number 3. You said, "After the date; do not travel in the same vehicle – this will allow your child to speak to you alone and tell you exactly what he or she thinks about your friend." I am sorry but if you deem your friend serious enough to introduce to your child, shouldn't you be concerned for her safety and take her home? Has that protocol changed? After all, you and your child can always speak at home.
I also have a comment about living with someone. That is a serious next step to take when all goes well. I am just curious. How do you explain this to a child? Would the friend still be considered a friend at this point?
Thanks, Dad. I'm looking forward to your thoughts. Have a great day!
Wanda

Dear Wanda,

I believe a child's first encounter with a "friend" should be on the child's terms. I also believe a parent should arrive with the child and leave with the child. Those moments right after the "date" are when a child may be more open to express their true feelings about your "friend". The adult's date can find his or her way home -- just as they found their way to the designated area. If there are any safety concerns for any of the parties, I suggest meeting in the morning or afternoon; this may help with those fears.

Depending on the living situation, each case is unique. Does the child live with the parent? How often does the child visit? Will the "friend" bring other children into the home? How will the living arrangements affect the child's space? These are just some questions that need to be answered.

A child should never be pressured into referring to someone as more than a friend. Over time and if the relationship has become a partnership, the child may feel comfortable referring to the friend as "step Dad/Mom"

Who’s That Lady?

When parents decide to separate from one another there is always a rebound period – for both parents. Deciding when to settle down with a new partner is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Depending on the child’s age, a parent’s new relationship may bring more questions than answers.

Introducing a potential partner is a difficult task. When the time comes to formally bring your child and your friend together there are some simple tips to follow…

• First, ensure your child you are only going to meet a friend – not his or hers new Mom. Unless there are extreme circumstances no child wants his or her parent replaced.

  

  
• Meeting at a public location is a good way to start. A Bookstore, Bowling Alley, Movie Theater, or the infamous Chuck E. Cheese’s are good places to break the ice.
• After the date; do not travel in the same vehicle – this will allow your child to speak to you alone and tell you exactly what he or she thinks about your friend.
• Please try to keep signs of affection to a minimum.

Be careful what and who your children see. A different woman in Dad’s house every day may do wonders for a rebounding Dad’s ego and self esteem but does your child need to see your “buddy” in the morning – Really?

Unless the relationship is headed to “living together” status there is no need to inform your Ex but be prepared to explain “Dad’s new friend.” Just be aware that life is a two way street and your child’s mother is not required to inform you of every new encounter she embarks on. The mere fact you chose her to be the mother of your child/children means you have enough confidence in her ability to protect your child/children.

A child’s first encounter with Dad’s new friend should not come seven months into a pregnancy. Do not dismiss the scenario because these types of meetings do occur. Can you imagine what thoughts must be racing through little Billy’s mind after meeting his soon to be Stepmother and Dad tells him he will be a big brother in two months?

Awkward to say the least…

Take the necessary steps and prepare.

He Scored...

After a messy divorce most young millionaires would enjoy their new found freedom soaking up the sun on Miami’s South Beach but one Dad decided to take an alternate route. Dwayne Wade decided to go back to court – and not the basketball court.

The former NBA finals MVP went to family court and filed for custody of his two children.

Recently a Chicago court awarded Wade sole "care, custody, and control" of his two sons. This is just another example of a man who believes a Dad’s number one responsibility is to his children. During the lengthy and expensive trial, Wade’s Ex made numerous outlandish claims about her famous husband. She did everything she could to spoil his reputation and hurt his chances of obtaining custody of their children. Fortunately, the judge saw through the rumors and her lies.

Wade’s nearly four year legal battle is a testament to Dads, who have made sacrifices to have an active role in their children’s lives. The process to take full custody of a child from a mother is never easy, but more single Dads are deciding to make the commitment. These men should be commended.

Wade says he loves being a Dad

Yes, Mr. Wade does have the financial means that average men do not, but look at the way he chose to use his money. He did not “make it rain” at the local establishment or squander large amounts on his entourage. Instead he paid top flight attorneys to represent him and his children in a lengthy trial. I do not believe he is totally innocent in the failure of his marriage but I do believe the man is sincere when it concerns his children.

I am a New York fan, and I hate the Miami Heat but Flash just became one of my favorite basketball players.