The One...

While I was growing up my mother would always tell me “Don’t do the crime, If you can’t do the time.”

Waaaaaaaaaaaaay back then I thought she meant the average run of the mill crime but now as a Dad I realize my mother’s words pertain to much more.

I receive e-mails and have conversations with single fathers who believe they are the “ONE”.

You know the “ONE”. We all know the “ONE”…



The Only "ONE"



The “ONE” believes he has been done wrong by everyone under the sun (his child’s mother, her mother, the system, the man) you name it they have it out for the “ONE”.

The “ONE” spends his time thinking of ways to get back at his child’s mother. Similar to a prisoner sentenced to 18 years who spends his time trying to figure a way to escape instead of contemplating what he’s going to do when he is released.

The “ONE” is stuck!!!!

The “ONE” will never admit it but he loves tension.

The “ONE” believes he is the only “ONE” who is paying child support and all the laws passed pertaining to child support have been put in place because of him.

Instead of wasting your time trying to scheme a way on how not to pay child support; Here’s an idea – Find a way to generate more income so the support payments don’t hurt as much. I’m not telling anyone to report ALL their income BUT you will pay; One-way or another.

You will be paying support to the child’s mother for AT LEAST 18 years…. You can look at it as a fine, as a bill, whatever you want to call its okay with me. So the faster you get to the point in your life when you are not thinking about the payments, the faster you can continue with your life.

One-day the “ONE” will get released back into society (looking for another woman and looking to start another family) and I hope he will have learned his lesson and if not feel free to heed some wise words from a wise woman… “Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.”

Who’s That Lady?

When parents decide to separate from one another there is always a rebound period – for both parents. Deciding when to settle down with a new partner is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Depending on the child’s age, a parent’s new relationship may bring more questions than answers.

Introducing a potential partner is a difficult task. When the time comes to formally bring your child and your friend together there are some simple tips to follow…

• First, ensure your child you are only going to meet a friend – not his or hers new Mom. Unless there are extreme circumstances no child wants his or her parent replaced.

  

  
• Meeting at a public location is a good way to start. A Bookstore, Bowling Alley, Movie Theater, or the infamous Chuck E. Cheese’s are good places to break the ice.
• After the date; do not travel in the same vehicle – this will allow your child to speak to you alone and tell you exactly what he or she thinks about your friend.
• Please try to keep signs of affection to a minimum.

Be careful what and who your children see. A different woman in Dad’s house every day may do wonders for a rebounding Dad’s ego and self esteem but does your child need to see your “buddy” in the morning – Really?

Unless the relationship is headed to “living together” status there is no need to inform your Ex but be prepared to explain “Dad’s new friend.” Just be aware that life is a two way street and your child’s mother is not required to inform you of every new encounter she embarks on. The mere fact you chose her to be the mother of your child/children means you have enough confidence in her ability to protect your child/children.

A child’s first encounter with Dad’s new friend should not come seven months into a pregnancy. Do not dismiss the scenario because these types of meetings do occur. Can you imagine what thoughts must be racing through little Billy’s mind after meeting his soon to be Stepmother and Dad tells him he will be a big brother in two months?

Awkward to say the least…

Take the necessary steps and prepare.

He Scored...

After a messy divorce most young millionaires would enjoy their new found freedom soaking up the sun on Miami’s South Beach but one Dad decided to take an alternate route. Dwayne Wade decided to go back to court – and not the basketball court.

The former NBA finals MVP went to family court and filed for custody of his two children.

Recently a Chicago court awarded Wade sole "care, custody, and control" of his two sons. This is just another example of a man who believes a Dad’s number one responsibility is to his children. During the lengthy and expensive trial, Wade’s Ex made numerous outlandish claims about her famous husband. She did everything she could to spoil his reputation and hurt his chances of obtaining custody of their children. Fortunately, the judge saw through the rumors and her lies.

Wade’s nearly four year legal battle is a testament to Dads, who have made sacrifices to have an active role in their children’s lives. The process to take full custody of a child from a mother is never easy, but more single Dads are deciding to make the commitment. These men should be commended.

Wade says he loves being a Dad

Yes, Mr. Wade does have the financial means that average men do not, but look at the way he chose to use his money. He did not “make it rain” at the local establishment or squander large amounts on his entourage. Instead he paid top flight attorneys to represent him and his children in a lengthy trial. I do not believe he is totally innocent in the failure of his marriage but I do believe the man is sincere when it concerns his children.

I am a New York fan, and I hate the Miami Heat but Flash just became one of my favorite basketball players.

Working Together…

Every day adults go to their place of business and work with individuals they simply can not tolerate. Maybe it is the coworker who chews with his mouth open, the office gossip queen, or the boss who believes all employees are her personal assistants.  But for at least eight hours a day and five days a week individuals put aside their personal feelings for the common good.

Unfortunately, these same people do not know how to work with the person who he or she selected to have a child with. Working with someone you had an emotional investment in can be difficult – but just like the decision to cope with the unruly coworker, the decision to co-parent is for the betterment of the home team.

During and after a break-up, children need to be reminded just how special they are to both parents and they also need to be reminded that although living arrangements may change, the rules will stay the same. Parents have to be in agreement with rewards, discipline, and other important decisions. It should not be party time at either parent’s home all the time. There will always be differences in parenting style but there should be a common theme. 

Consistency is the number one goal.

Remember, children watch EVERYTHING their parents do. A child’s attitude and behavior toward the opposite sex is similar to those traits exhibited by his or her parents.

In a perfect world everyone would just get along. There would be no pain, and breakups would only apply to horrible boy bands. Children who see their parents working together even when the relationship has failed learn how to work with others they have disagreements with. Show disrespect toward the other parent, chances are the child will do the same when confronted with challenging situation.

Being a mature, responsible co-parent starts with remembering – your child’s needs come before your own. 

KEY POINTS

• Consistency – It is not just for cake batter. Communicate with the other parent and try to maintain the same atmosphere in both households.

• Be a leader – Children will follow a parent’s example; Make it a positive one. Show respect to the other parent.

• Keep differences between the adults – Do not use children as messengers. Children have a right to be carefree. They have their own issues to worry about (acne, dating, school).