Commitment

Com-mit-ment: noun

1. The act of committing.

2. The state of being committed.

3. The act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

4. A pledge or promise; obligation.

5. Engagement; involvement.

Many of us commit ourselves to updating our facebook pages everyday, washing the car 3 times a week, and indulging in certain behavior. The list goes on and on. To be fully committed to something takes a lot of time and energy BUT if you are committed to something you love; you’ll always have plenty of time and energy.

Children’s first encounter with commitment comes from their relationship with their parents. Don’t believe me?

Just look around…

See the parent and child sitting in the library/bookstore. That child knows his parent is committed to helping him learn to read.

See the parent texting his friends while “helping” his child with his homework. That child is receiving mixed signals. So… It’s ok to text while doing homework?



"YOU SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!"



Children don’t need half-ass (excuse my French) commitments. They receive enough of those from society. Dad is not committed to his family and doesn’t come home at night. Well Dad’s children (especially boys) are going to have a difficult time learning to commit to their family and the cycle continues.

Mom is committed to going out every weekend. Well guess what mommy’s little girl is itching to do when she turns 17? I’ll give you three guesses….

Parenting is not hard; IF you are committed to doing the right thing.

I’m committed to making my child’s future brighter than my past…. PERIOD.

Who’s That Lady?

When parents decide to separate from one another there is always a rebound period – for both parents. Deciding when to settle down with a new partner is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Depending on the child’s age, a parent’s new relationship may bring more questions than answers.

Introducing a potential partner is a difficult task. When the time comes to formally bring your child and your friend together there are some simple tips to follow…

• First, ensure your child you are only going to meet a friend – not his or hers new Mom. Unless there are extreme circumstances no child wants his or her parent replaced.

  

  
• Meeting at a public location is a good way to start. A Bookstore, Bowling Alley, Movie Theater, or the infamous Chuck E. Cheese’s are good places to break the ice.
• After the date; do not travel in the same vehicle – this will allow your child to speak to you alone and tell you exactly what he or she thinks about your friend.
• Please try to keep signs of affection to a minimum.

Be careful what and who your children see. A different woman in Dad’s house every day may do wonders for a rebounding Dad’s ego and self esteem but does your child need to see your “buddy” in the morning – Really?

Unless the relationship is headed to “living together” status there is no need to inform your Ex but be prepared to explain “Dad’s new friend.” Just be aware that life is a two way street and your child’s mother is not required to inform you of every new encounter she embarks on. The mere fact you chose her to be the mother of your child/children means you have enough confidence in her ability to protect your child/children.

A child’s first encounter with Dad’s new friend should not come seven months into a pregnancy. Do not dismiss the scenario because these types of meetings do occur. Can you imagine what thoughts must be racing through little Billy’s mind after meeting his soon to be Stepmother and Dad tells him he will be a big brother in two months?

Awkward to say the least…

Take the necessary steps and prepare.

Teach Him To Fish...

Dad had a problem.

Dilemma: Too many children's books just lying around.

Answer: Bookshelf.

The plan seemed simple enough. We would drive down to nearest IKEA, pull out the plastic, swipe, and drive home. Some assembly required and – KABOOM!!! My child would have a leveled bookshelf that would do what bookshelves do.

Operation bookshelf was FLAWLESS, completely planned out, budgeted for, and the space was allocated in the child’s room. Then something happened on the way to furniture store –

I explained my plan of attack to an older Dad and he gave me a look of disappointment. He went on to explain that young children have lost their sense of imagination and ingenuity because of Dads like me. We are quick to buy the remedy for the smallest issues, not willing to take the time to show a child the art of designing and building his own bookshelf.

My intentions were good but there was a flaw in my execution… He was right.

Any monkey can hammer a peg in a hole, but it takes more to measure the exact length needed for each side of the bookshelf and even a little more to decided on what cool colors to paint the bookshelf.

The older Dad had my attention for at least 45 minutes (if you know me that is an accomplishment in itself) and in the end his final reason for taking on the project was simple – “Teach him to fish and he will eat forever.”

Full disclosure – I do not want my child making bookshelves for a living but the lesson I learned from this older Dad is important. Take the time to teach children. Unlock their imaginations and help build skills they may use in the future. 

Instead of IKEA we made a trip to the nearest Home Depot. We picked out the lumber, purchased the right tools, and even found some cool looking paint. It took less than one hour to build and another hour to sand and paint. The leveled bookshelf looks sharp. The total cost turned out to be about the same but the quality time spent with my child was priceless.

So if my child’s major league baseball career does not pan out, he may want to turn to a trade as a master carpenter. Don't knock it. Before he changed the world, Jesus was a carpenter by trade. J