When Will He?

I want to share an email I received from a reader. I believe the email may help others who are in a similar situation. Although I am a Dad, I don’t just write for Dads.

I want my son to love and be proud of his Dad. Better yet, I want his father to be a good Dad to his son. I have extended myself to keep my son around his father only to find out he treats his daughter from another relationship better than he treats my son. I do not hate my son’s father however, what do you do when you have done all you can and he still will not be a responsible Dad?

Tired of Trying – NY

Dear Tired of Trying,

Unfortunately, good people often do dumb things and it is also unfortunate you believe you must make your son’s father want to be a part of his life but in reality there is nothing you can do to make him accept the responsibility of a Dad. I do not know your family’s dynamic; there may be positive males in your family (uncles, cousins, grandfathers) who can serve as role models for your son. Your focus should be on making your son the best person he can be and helping him to break the cycle of absent fathers when your son is called upon to be a Dad.

I understand there are mothers who want to keep their children away from fathers who come in and out of their children’s lives. I do not support this action (unless the father is abusive in some way) because the time a father spends with his child is important to the child. Their time together may allow the father to reflect on his own behavior and realize just how selfish he is behaving.

As a parent I applaud your efforts to help establish your son’s identity. I believe it is important for children to know where they come from but in the end, putting pressure on someone to do something his heart is not into may prove to be counterproductive and make the encounters between your son and his father uncomfortable.

The relationship between your son’s father and his daughter from a previous relationship is an issue that you should not concern yourself with. The mother of your son’s half-sister may not be as stable as you (psychologically/financially).

There will come a day when your son will STOP asking for his father. I hope his father will pay attention to this warning before it is too late.