The Crossover...

I despise reality TV. I have never seen an episode of the real world and I will NEVER watch Jersey Shore BUT recently a good friend suggested I watch a clip of a VH1 reality show and I’m glad I did.

The clip was focused on a well to do father trying to re-establish a relationship with his two daughters who he estranged when he and the mother of his daughters divorced several years ago. As a dad it saddened me to watch as the well known former athlete entered the room and immediately did not hug his two daughters, this set the tone for a very unproductive reunion. In typical fashion the parents blamed each other for the others short comings; not realizing the damage they were continuing to inflict on the dynamic of the room. The daughters seem to be at odds with who to defend. The oldest sibling obviously took the side of the mother, while the younger sister seemed enthused to finally get a chance to be daddy’s little girl (even as an adolescent).

Regardless of how the marriage ended it’s obvious by the actions of the two “adults” in the room there are still very bitter feelings between them. The father was quick to place blame for being absent for so long on the only caregiver HIS daughters have known. This type of “whoa is me” attitude is exactly why some men find it hard to establish strong ties with their children. There is plenty of blame to pass around as the mother refused to acknowledge her faults in this debacle. Yes she should be commended for raising two young women in these trying times alone BUT whether intentionally or unintentionally her actions only gave fuel to the already unstable psyche of the father. Most irresponsible young men are looking for a way out and her behavior only helped to trigger the fight or flight response in his brain and like a coward he chose to run.

I’m not siding with mother in this situation nor am I giving props to a faded star past his glory days but I have spent numerous of hours in court rooms and several dollars on legal fees but at the end of the day it was worth it and here is some advice. If she makes it hard for you to see the kids, make it hard on her by SHOWING up to court dates…She tries to undermine your authority with the kids, make it hard on her by spending MORE time with the kids…She talks bad about you to the kids, just SMILE.

I used to watch this man on TV when I was a teenager and would think “It would be great to be him”; Now I watch him on TV and think “I wouldn’t want to be him”… Its funny how being a Dad has changed my perception of reality.