Do I Have To...

Words that most parents despise, especially dads.

Recently I was challenged by my son. The encounter was brief and the contest was a lopsided victory for me (like all of our encounters) but this one may have forever altered the balance of power (if ever so slightly) in our relationship.

While passing on instructions on how to properly walk across an ice patch, he replied with “Do I have to”… My reply was swift and just “Of course you have to”; otherwise I wouldn’t inform you of the dangers of running over ice, I thought to myself. Instead of using the moment to teach him the importance of the lesson I chose to take the easy way out and assert my authority. I’m sure his young mind was not satisfied with the answer I provided but I am dad and dad must know what’s best for him; right? So if dad knows, why didn’t dad explain?

It’s not only enough to provide direction to our children but we should explain why we want them behave in a certain manner. Our ultimate goals as parents are to develop children who can be self sufficient and self-assured. We are not immortal and one day our children will have to make their own decisions.

In my opinion one of the premier efforts and failures performed by a dad has to be the job done by Earl Woods (Tiger’s dad). For all the accomplishments his son has achieved one can not deny the younger Woods may have not been properly prepared for facing the world without his biggest and strongest ally (his dad). His behavior post Earl may be a greater testament to just how influential his father was in his life. I'm sure it was daddy wood's way or the highway. Losing a parent is a traumatic experience and there is no right way to brace for the blow but children have to be taught not only the importance of acting in a certain manner but why it’s important. Teach them why it’s important not to commit crimes, why it’s important not to disrespect others, why it’s important to seek knowledge, and why it’s important to be honest. A simple “because I said so” is not a sufficient answer. Our actions not only have lasting affects on our families but our communities as well.

I realized I did not intentionally lead my son down the path of conforming to authority with no questions asked; in fact all I did was answer the question that was asked of me. “Do I have to’? Teaching him to ask “WHY do I have to”? Will help him and me in the long run.

I have had to correct my son’s behavior since our epic battle and now when he asks; why do I have to? I smile and give him the answer he deserves.